This week I have been studying about offense and unforgiveness. While I thought I was very familiar with these subjects, some things I have found have been profound and insightful.
One thing I realized as I was studying these subject is that offense often comes because people don’t act the way we expect them to. In other words, they are not responding the way we would like with our spoken or even unspoken expectations. I learned years ago that it was dangerous to judge people on what we expect them to do or how we expect them to react, especially when they have no idea what our expectations are.
I recently had a conversation with someone about an issue I had. I felt once the conversation took place, some things would change. I was wrong. Things stayed pretty much the same. I was disappointed. I really wanted to complain about it. But as I prayed about this, God kept bringing something to mind. Let me share that something with you.
In the past few months, I have reconnected with a couple friends that I knew in times past. It has been pleasant to say the least. A definite God connection. One of the ladies, Charlotte, carries such contentment it is palpable.
I have watched her and listened to her for a while now. She says this one thing quite often. She says, “There’s no judgement here.” To be honest, at first, I thought it was just something she said. But I was wrong, it is something she lives.
As I have watched her life and listened to her conversations, regardless of what they are, there is no judgment in her voice or her actions. Even when things are not the way they should be, there is no judgment, there is only kindness and love exuding from her.
It is not that she doesn’t see what’s wrong. She does. But she takes it to the Lord and refuses to bring her own judgment into those things – instead she loves and prays. What this type of person has created for me is a safe place.
A safe place when I am struggling with some things – I know with these two friends, there is no judgement – no way they expect me to act or behave. They simply love me and walk with me through the struggle. Do you know how rare that is?
You see, because she has no judgment, I have never seen her struggle with any kind of offense. Or unforgiveness. She simply walks in love and peace. Now, I am sure she has opportunities for these things, she just doesn’t take them. She is intentional about how she lives and how she loves. She lives to please God.
So, back to the beginning of this writings. As I pondered on the thing that had not changed, that I had hoped would change after our conversation – God kept bringing Charlotte back to me. Each time I would think on this thing I could see and hear her say, “No judgement here.”
I knew God was telling me that was none of my business what the outcome was and I had no right to judge it. I did what I was supposed to do in having the conversation, the rest was up to Him.
My friends, I am not saying we are never to judge things – the Bible is clear, we know people by their fruits. However, unless you know God’s thoughts on a subject, we have no right to judge it. That is up to Him.
I am also not talking about sin. Charlotte would be the first to confront sin. As would I. I am talking about things we judge like people’s response or actions – let us pray, love and give God time to work.
When we carry a lot of negative judgements toward people, we carry offense. And offense is dangerous and will keep us out of the will and plan of God. We cannot afford to keep offense in our heart about anyone or anything. We must, absolutely must give it to God.
I do not know about you, but I want to become a safe place for people. A place of no judgement here. Do you know what fruit I see of this type of lifestyle in Charlottes life? Peace. Contentment. Joy. And the presence of God. May we all possess this fruit in our life.
