Today, I want to share something with you from Pastor Beth Trussell of Cornerstone Church. It’s a strong but necessary message for all of us.
In my time with the Lord this morning this is what the Lord spoke to me. While he was saying this to me, I felt like He meant for me to speak it to you. Last year Terry did an entire 6-12 weeks about this. We have got to live a life of victory. But everywhere I look people are trapped in a fortress of offense.
Unoffendable
“A brother offended is harder to be won than a strong city: and their contentions are like the bars of a castle.” (Prov 18:19)
There is probably no trap that the enemy uses more often than offense. He knows he doesn’t always have to get us to sin openly. Sometimes all he has to do is convince us to hold on to a hurt. If he can keep us offended, he can slowly begin to isolate us, harden our hearts, and rob us of the joy and freedom that Christ purchased for us.
The writer of Proverbs gives us a sobering picture. He says that an offended brother is like a fortified city. In Bible times, a fortified city was built to keep enemies out. Massive walls surrounded it. Heavy gates were locked. Once those gates were shut, it became nearly impossible for anyone to get inside.
That is exactly what offense does to the human heart.
Most people don’t wake up one morning and decide they are going to become bitter. It happens gradually. Someone says something careless. A friend disappoints us. A family member wounds us. A leader overlooks us. We experience rejection or betrayal, and before we know it, we begin laying one brick at a time around our heart. We tell ourselves we are simply protecting ourselves, but in reality we are building walls that eventually keep everyone out.
What is so deceptive about offense is that it often disguises itself as wisdom. We tell ourselves, “I’m just being careful.” “I’m guarding my heart.” “I’m not going to let that happen to me again.”
There is certainly wisdom in setting healthy boundaries, but there is a difference between guarding your heart and hardening your heart. Guarding your heart keeps your love healthy. Hardening your heart keeps love from flowing at all.
When I think about someone who had every reason to be offended, I think about Jesus.
He came to His own, and they rejected Him. The religious leaders constantly criticized Him. His disciples misunderstood Him. One betrayed Him for money. Another denied even knowing Him. The rest scattered when He needed them most. Yet while hanging on the cross, enduring unimaginable pain, Jesus prayed, “Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do.”
Jesus refused to allow the cruelty of others to determine the condition of His heart.
That challenges me because, if I’m honest, I have allowed much smaller things to steal my peace. Sometimes we become offended over a misunderstanding that could have been cleared up with a simple conversation. Other times we carry wounds for years because someone never apologized the way we hoped they would.
The longer we carry offense, the heavier it becomes. Eventually we stop seeing people through the eyes of grace and begin seeing everything through the lens of our hurt. Every conversation feels like an attack. Every correction feels like rejection. Every disappointment becomes another piece of evidence that we cannot trust anyone.
That is not the freedom Christ intended for His people.
One of the greatest lessons I’ve learned is to take my hurts to Jesus before I take them anywhere else. It is so tempting to pick up the phone, vent to a friend, or replay the situation over and over in our minds. Yet every time we rehearse the offense, we often deepen the wound.
There is something powerful about bringing our pain into the presence of God while it is still fresh. His presence has a way of healing what resentment only makes worse. Sometimes He changes the situation, but many times He changes us. He softens our hearts, gives us His perspective, and reminds us of the incredible mercy He has shown us.
When I remember how patient God has been with me, it becomes much easier to extend patience to someone else. I have needed grace far more times than I care to admit. I have misunderstood people. I have spoken too quickly. I have failed others. If I want people to extend grace to me, then I must be willing to extend grace to them.
Being unoffendable does not mean we never feel pain. It does not mean we pretend hurtful things never happened. It simply means we refuse to let pain take ownership of our heart. We choose forgiveness, not because the other person deserves it, but because we refuse to let bitterness become our master.
An offended heart becomes a prison, but a forgiving heart remains free.
Today, perhaps the Holy Spirit is gently asking you to examine your own heart. Is there someone you’ve quietly built a wall against? Is there a conversation you’ve replayed so many times that it has become part of your identity? Have you been waiting for someone else to make the first move before you’re willing to let go?
Maybe today is the day to lay it down.
Your freedom is worth more than your offense. Your peace is worth more than winning the argument. Your relationship with Christ is far too valuable to allow bitterness to occupy the place where His presence longs to dwell.
Prayer
Father, You know every wound I carry, every disappointment I have experienced, and every conversation that still lingers in my heart. Today I choose to surrender those hurts to You. Help me to forgive as You have forgiven me. Keep my heart tender, even when life is difficult. Guard me from allowing offense to build walls that separate me from You and from others. Fill me with Your grace, Your mercy, and Your love. Let my life reflect the heart of Christ, who chose forgiveness even in the face of rejection. In Jesus’ name, Amen.
